635 Days, No Medication, and a Lot to Say

Hey everyone — I know it’s been a little while since I wrote. I guess the squirrels got me.

I’ve been filling my days with work. After losing my job, I had to do something, so I’ve been doing general contracting and mechanical work for people around the area, including some people I’ve met through recovery. Honestly, it has been good for me.

At the same time, I’m still going through interviews and looking for full-time work. As much as I enjoy being independent, having the structure of showing up to a 9-to-5 job is really good for my mindset. It is a lot less stressful than constantly worrying about where the next job or paycheck is coming from on top of everyday life.

During this time, I lost my medical insurance, which also meant being without my medication. I’ll be honest: at first, it was a nice break. But now that I’m not in extremely early recovery anymore, I can clearly see the difference in myself when I am on medication versus when I am not.

In a strange way, this has helped me understand what parts of my diagnosis I need to work on. Instead of just taking medication as part of a routine without fully understanding what it does for me, I have had a chance to step back, observe myself, and recognize where I struggle.

I am now 635 days free from all substances. This is my first time in 19 years being free from everything. That is wild for me to think about, and I am extremely proud of where I am today. I’m not exactly where I want to be yet, but as we always say: one day at a time.

The lack of posting here has mostly been because I have struggled to focus where I need to focus. I am literally like a squirrel sometimes. But I am going to talk with the people I need to talk to, get back on track, and work toward getting myself to where I need to be.

Thankfully, I have another interview on Monday for a job that offers medical benefits and a good pay rate for my skill set. I’m hopeful about it.

I also wanted to talk about something I did not fully realize until moving to a different area in 2026: how difficult it can be to find professional employment with a felony.

I’m not just talking about finding any job. I’m talking about professional work in an industry where people have serious money invested in tools, equipment, supplies, experience, and skills. For some reason, which I still do not completely understand, some companies want applicants to be seven years removed from a felony before they will hire them.

I recently got four days away from starting a job before I was told no because of my background check. That one really got to me.

I went through a phone interview, a virtual interview, and then an in-person interview. I was completely transparent about my felony. The hiring manager even told me he did not see it being a problem. But once it got to HR, I did not get the job.

It was unfortunate, especially after putting in all that effort, but maybe it just was not meant for me. I am choosing to keep moving forward. I am using the tools I have learned in recovery, because recovery does not stop at not using drugs.

Recovery is about reactions, mindset, attitude, accountability, and how you handle situations in everyday life. It is about learning how to respond instead of react, even when something feels unfair or discouraging.

Drug court update

I am still in drug court, and I am still waiting to move up to the next phase. That has been difficult.

The issue with a test result was supposed to be resolved so that I could move forward. Instead, I was held back because I lost my job after that false-positive result. To me, that does not make sense.

I have done everything in my power to address the situation and voice my concerns. The hard part is that everything moves so slowly, and it becomes stressful when the people making decisions have so much control over your life.

I used my ADHD hyperfocus for something productive and wrote a long, detailed letter to the judge. In it, I explained my concerns about the program, how my situation was handled, and included the factual information that supported what I was saying. I put a lot of time and effort into that letter.

Weeks later, I am still waiting to hear anything back.

I missed an advancement that I should have been included in, and I am still sitting in the same place in a multi-phase program. I have been in this program for a couple of years now, and I still have a good stretch left on probation, but my probation contract says that I have to graduate drug court in order to be released from probation.

That is stressful. I feel like I am doing everything I can, but I am not moving forward.

I attend meetings. I do the work. I support my peers. I stay involved in the recovery network, with people in the program, and with my chosen recovery program. I am not sitting around doing nothing and expecting something for free.

At the end of the day, though, I still worry about it. I know there are things I cannot control, and I remind myself of that often. But when you are in a recovery-based program, you would think your voice should be heard—especially when you are trying to advocate for yourself with facts, accountability, and honesty.

Where I’m at

I mainly wanted to check in today and get some of this off my chest. There is a lot more I could say. I could probably sit here for hours and type out every detail of what has been going on in my life.

I am definitely an oversharer. I am an open book, and I have talked to a lot of people about my life. Sometimes that gets me into a tough spot because I say too much. But honestly, I would not change it.

I share because I want people to understand how I think and why I react the way I do. I deal with ADHD, autistic tendencies, recovery, probation, employment barriers, and everyday life just like anyone else. Trying to explain those things to people who have never lived them can feel like talking to a wall.

Still, I do my best to share, be honest, and educate people who may not understand. At the end of the day, I think that is necessary.

I’m sorry for disappearing for a bit. Life has been weird. I’m working on getting back to some sense of normalcy, and over the next few days I’m going to try to post some educational information that people can actually use in their everyday lives—especially from the perspective of someone who is currently unmedicated and figuring things out in real time.

And honestly, I wish there was a button on this page people could press that just said, “Smack,” so they could smack me back into my normal routine when I disappear.

Random idea, but that is how my brain works.

Thank you to everyone who has continued to support me.